Hello fellow microbe
How many times did I erase this first sentence? 5
How many times did I write something radically different each time I erased it? 3
How many thoughts did I have that were unkind because I couldn’t find the right words or starting? Too many.
Many people within this advocacy world are focused on doing the “right” thing, the most “effective” thing, the “tried and true” path. Otherwise, we’re wasting our time or even heaven forbid we make a mistake. At the same time, we hear the urgency of the various crises clocks ticking - climate, biodiversity, poverty, housing.
We don’t have time to do the wrong thing! Right??
I was explaining all of this to some advocacy friends of mine a few weeks ago. We were all feeling it. What’s the right answer? Where’s the magic thing that we do that can make all of this work better and get those results now? There was so much pressure we were putting on ourselves that was robbing us all of feeling like our work was joyful and useful.
My one friend turned to me and the other and said, “Our work is about making the world a better place for all right? So that they can have joy, they can have freedom and health, right? Don’t forget you’re one of those people too. So you suffering, feeling the pressure which is stealing your joy and peace - that’s the opposite of what you’re trying to do. You’re fighting for your joy and peace too.”
And yet so often I feel (and maybe you do too) that finding joy and peace while there is also so much suffering and pain and sadness feels like I am a traitor to all that I am trying to do. How can you experience joy in the midst of pain? How can I allow happiness to enter when there are so many things to be sad, angry and disappointed about? Can I hold space for my own joy and can I seek it vigorously while also recognizing the darkness that also exists? Can work like ours be enjoyable?
I am thinking about my youngest son who is turning 12 this year. He’s always been fascinated by big ideas and science. Recently, he was watching a science video online and they told him that for every grain of sand in the world’s beaches there is a star in the universe. Every grain! He was fascinated by this.
“So Mom, think of it this way if the earth was represented by one grain of sand then we would be microscopic. We’re basically microbes floating on a grain of sand that is floating around with all of these other millions of grains of sand!”
It sounded absurd, but the absurdity of it all helped me realize that this trip we’re making on this grain of sand is what we make of it. We’re a part of something vast.
Does that idea take away the pain and suffering our world has? No. But it made me think that while I’m floating on this grain of sand, I can choose what has meaning for me. I can decide what I dedicate myself to on this trip. What a waste it would be to say that at the end of it all I never experienced the joy and miracles available to me because I felt that I needed to be sad and angry all the time to show how dedicated I was to curing suffering.
Sometimes I still get caught up in the pain of the world - right now it seems like so much. Sometimes I still feel a bit guilty enjoying a sunny warm walk in early March when I should be wearing full winter gear. Sometimes, I still have a hard time watching a movie when the winter winds are blowing because I know there are people out there that don’t have the comfort of a home. Sometimes, I remember when I purchase myself a treat that others are barely putting food on their tables if at all.
But I’ve started to realize that it’s normal to have joy and also harder feelings at the same time. My parents’ insistence that one day I’d create a life so perfect that I would only experience happiness was not true. Living life “properly” doesn’t guarantee that I won’t experience suffering. Like my advocacy work, doing it right doesn’t mean that I won’t also feel the pain and suffering and others in fact it will likely put me more in the path of those feelings. That requires emotional balance so that I can continue the work. Intentionally increasing my suffering and refusing joy to demonstrate my commitment to the cause it a sure fire way to burn out. It also increases the suffering of others directly in my life. How does that move the needle on building a healthier, happier and more just world?
So while you, a fellow microbe, sit on this grain of sand with me floating in vast darkness with millions of other grains of sand, let’s see what we can do to make meaning of our lives. Let’s dedicate ourselves to bring joy, peace, equality and compassion to everything and everyone most importantly to ourselves. And yes that will mean we will more likely confront the systems and structures that oppress and repress others including our work. All the more reason to grab every opportunity for joy, love and peace while we spin on this grain of sand.
I avoid watching the news now. Powerful people are raining senseless destruction and death on innocents in Gaza and Ukraine. They do not care that our first responsibility is to our children, and those little innocents are maimed, crushed, buried under rubble by the forces of evil. Our leaders will not take meaningful action to turn the tide against an oncoming climate crisis because they fear the wrath of the those powerful people who profit from continuing to feed the crisis. We allow the greedy to treat housing as lucrative investment vehicles while the poor starve and shiver in makeshift homeless encampments. I can't solve all these problems, but I do what I can to support and advocate. Even though I feel a sense of helplessness in the face of so much evil and injustice, I cannot turn my face away. Why, then, do I still have such a sense of sheer joy when I am outside walking among the sights and sounds of nature?